my loves.

i've to thank all these awesome people: Jiawei, Faseha, Ruimin, Zongxian, Yucheng and Minghao.
honestly, i look forward to school all thanks to you guys :) enough talking! here's the pictures of these awesome people <3

this pretty baby over here is Jiawei!

my darling <3
 

Faseha :) (right)

mwah! :** (Faseha --> right)

Ruimin (right)

And the awesome 3 here! :) (blue shirt -> Minghao, slightly pink shirt and white glasses -> Zong xian, red Nike singlet -> Yucheng)

and here are some more pics..

Yucheng! ^^

Jiawei (2nd one) Yucheng (3rd one)

so i guess that's all for today heh :)
lastly, i love every single one of you! remember that okay! :) <3

sometimes i'm really overwhelmed by everything that's happening now in my life.
i try to be one step ahead of it but somehow, something will just pop up and screw my plans for being ahead.
i really need to buck up in my studies. i can't afford to fail. i can't.
it feels double the stress no with my dad gone, because now i feel like i can't let him down. but there's just something in me that's refusing to cooperate.
that something is bothering me a lot. i can't seem to get rid of it and it's really affecting me in ways.
earlier, someone mentioned my family as broken. when i heard that, i felt so.. upset. it's like a bucket of cold water all down on me.
i feel so alone now that i can't talk to my dad.

it's so difficult to keep up a facade.
everything i do, just seem to have remnants of you papa.
i find myself doing dumb and normal things when you were still here. i would text you, call you, just to remember that you're not here anymore.
so nowadays i bring your phone wherever i go. just to remind me that you're no longer here.
your clothes had already been given away, same with your favourite boots. i feel like such a failure for not keeping your favourite items. i fought with mummy because i didn't want her to give away your stuffs.
no one else is supposed to wear it. no one but you.

do you still know that there are pieces of you that you left behind daddy?
do you know how much it hurts to suddenly realise you're gone?
do you know how i feel?
i hate going home to an empty house. i hate it. i hate that it's dark and scary. i hate it that it's quiet. everytime it's quiet, i'll start thinking of you. i don't really like to think about you daddy. everything feels so surreal. it still does. i feel so hollow inside. so empty and numb. i block out all thoughts of you. yesterday was the 49th day you died. today is the 50th.
i walked into the kitchen earlier on, and opened the cupboard. i saw the small containers of spices we shopped for back in January, few days before you left. i still remember how you cooked the steak for me. i remembered the smell, the taste. i sniffed the spices and i started crying. you said you would teach me. didn't you? who am i going to talk to now daddy? you're the only person i love and trust so much. i would have done anything for you. you know it right? so why did you leave me alone?
how could you?

just done last minute changes to my art :)
so today went out with Yucheng and Minghao!
we met up at clementi interchange, then went to Singapore River! we then walked all the way to Clarke Quay, and then we took a bus to Orchard! ^^
we walked there for awhile, with me deciding what to buy and then we headed to Jurong point!
all three of us bought the same pencil case, Yucheng's one is red with blue, Minghao's one is blue with yellow while mine is black with purple!
so when we sit together in poa it'll be so matching! haha :)
had fun with them today~

life just doesn't work the way you want it to. thanks to this sec 4 camp, it made me realise that not everyone is who they portray themselves to be. Human nature is manipulative, and you guys took it to the next level. i'm not sure if you guys were dumb enough to be manipulated by him, or just decided to go with the crowd. whatever it is, thank you. i realise who my real friends are. and i'm thankful for that because i don't really want to live a life full with fake people. that life isn't worth living. i can't stay with people who do not know how to stand for themselves. because it's very pathetic that you don't have a mind of your own.
real friends help both parties. not one. the fact that you guys went over to him because you pitied him and wanted to help cushion the blow that i dealt was really nice of you. but don't you think that i was hurting too? don't you think i need help too? isn't 2 of you go over and help him was enough? while the rest stays with me? see? that's what i meant when you don't have a mind of your own. you just go with the crowd, not thinking whether you hurt the others feelings or not.
but that's okay. the worst thing is finding out that you guys were the ones who sent the whatsapp texts. that's what hurt the most. you guys just went over to him. didn't even ask my side of the story. just assumed i don't tell you stuffs. have you ever thought that i was afraid of burdening you? that's why i didn't go to you guys? don't be quick to assume things. you can always ask me what's wrong. i would tell you.
it's really appalling how 1 person can ruin 3 people's friendships.

sometimes, i just wish that there was a medicine that allows people to forget what happened. or the details of anything of it.
that way, there would be less conflict.
honestly, i'm improving bit by bit.
i try not to let others get me down. i try not to be affected by what people say. i know that there are a lot of people gossiping about me behind my back, or even happy that these are happening to me.
i just want them to know that the world is round, what goes around, comes back around. you will not escape from Karma.
treat people the way you want them to treat you.