oh, one last thing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2j0VPSYPHs
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
so that's it? you're leaving me then? because you claimed i don't feel anything for you?
i do.
the thought that you would ever ever ever doubt my feelings never crossed my mind.
i'm not one to publicly display affection.
it took a lot just for me to admit that i liked you, in the beginning.
it took a lot just for me to admit that i loved you, and still do.
it took a lot just for me to admit all this.
i did all this because i trust you.
i trust that you won't let me down. i trust you with my heart. i trust you with everything i had, those broken bits.
everytime when you would make me cry because of something that i did wrong, i would stay. all these times, i stayed. i expected the same from you.
was it too much for you then?
it's true that expectations lead to disappointments. i understood that phrase and got to try how it really felt today.
i thought you would never leave me. you said it yourself too.
me, on the other hand is still where i am. where you left me. i feel so damn lost now.
i'm the one whose always at fault aren't i?
i get all the texts from you saying how hurt you are. how you feel when we fight.
what about me? have you ever thought about me? have you ever thought how i would feel?
i'm a human. i have feelings too. i'm much more sensitive.
i can't take all these voices saying i'm useless and horrible and stupid and ugly and selfish
then again, there's only one explaination. i'm a horrible person.
that's the cause for everything right? i'm horrible and terrible
there are times i really want to die. for everything that i had ever done.
death is the way out of this trapped world im in isn't it?
death is the way out of everything in my life.
i'm not worthy of life. i'm so mean, selfish and sometimes harbor bad thoughts.
bad people like me don't deserve living.
i should die from being a horrible person
i guess i won't be posting much more?
i don't know why everybody hates me so much
maybe i do because now i hate me too
and i don't see the point for trying, for talking, for breathing
i'm done
i do.
the thought that you would ever ever ever doubt my feelings never crossed my mind.
i'm not one to publicly display affection.
it took a lot just for me to admit that i liked you, in the beginning.
it took a lot just for me to admit that i loved you, and still do.
it took a lot just for me to admit all this.
i did all this because i trust you.
i trust that you won't let me down. i trust you with my heart. i trust you with everything i had, those broken bits.
everytime when you would make me cry because of something that i did wrong, i would stay. all these times, i stayed. i expected the same from you.
was it too much for you then?
it's true that expectations lead to disappointments. i understood that phrase and got to try how it really felt today.
i thought you would never leave me. you said it yourself too.
me, on the other hand is still where i am. where you left me. i feel so damn lost now.
i'm the one whose always at fault aren't i?
i get all the texts from you saying how hurt you are. how you feel when we fight.
what about me? have you ever thought about me? have you ever thought how i would feel?
i'm a human. i have feelings too. i'm much more sensitive.
i can't take all these voices saying i'm useless and horrible and stupid and ugly and selfish
then again, there's only one explaination. i'm a horrible person.
that's the cause for everything right? i'm horrible and terrible
there are times i really want to die. for everything that i had ever done.
death is the way out of this trapped world im in isn't it?
death is the way out of everything in my life.
i'm not worthy of life. i'm so mean, selfish and sometimes harbor bad thoughts.
bad people like me don't deserve living.
i should die from being a horrible person
i guess i won't be posting much more?
i don't know why everybody hates me so much
maybe i do because now i hate me too
and i don't see the point for trying, for talking, for breathing
i'm done
Saturday, 17 November 2012
sorry :(
sorry for not updating for so long :( i had job and was working!
i am working in a primary school bookshop :)
i had alwasy thought it would be easy but no, it was really tiring!
when we walked in, we actually had to sort the primary 1 to 6 books. and that wasn't the worse thing.
the worst thing was all the books were on the floor, in stacks and all over the place!! so we had to randomly take and then sort it according to levels. sigh sooooo messy!!
then yesterday we had to pack the p1 books in bags.
there was a file that was suppose to be in it but it was the wrong order, and the correct one was supposed to be delivered yesterday but then it didn't arrive. so we will most likely get it on monday.
and monday will be the worst because its primary 1 registration, and all the parents will buy the books :(
i am working in a primary school bookshop :)
i had alwasy thought it would be easy but no, it was really tiring!
when we walked in, we actually had to sort the primary 1 to 6 books. and that wasn't the worse thing.
the worst thing was all the books were on the floor, in stacks and all over the place!! so we had to randomly take and then sort it according to levels. sigh sooooo messy!!
then yesterday we had to pack the p1 books in bags.
there was a file that was suppose to be in it but it was the wrong order, and the correct one was supposed to be delivered yesterday but then it didn't arrive. so we will most likely get it on monday.
and monday will be the worst because its primary 1 registration, and all the parents will buy the books :(
Thursday, 15 November 2012
YES SO I'VE LISTENED TO ONE DIRECTION'S FULL ALBUM
IT'S FREAKING AWESOME
OMG
their songs are so damn catchy!
i've already downloaded their whole album :')
those of you who haven't listened to it, do check it out! here's the link to hear their whole album, including Live While We're Young :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPH3okmqmzM&feature=related
IT'S FREAKING AWESOME
OMG
their songs are so damn catchy!
i've already downloaded their whole album :')
those of you who haven't listened to it, do check it out! here's the link to hear their whole album, including Live While We're Young :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPH3okmqmzM&feature=related
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
happy :)
finally got a new phone.
i've been wantitng to get those One Direction cartoon phone covers cos they're so damn cute!!!!
tomorrow, everyone's accompanying grandma to the hospital.
she fractured her toes by kicking the bed.. up till now i don't know how she did it. it seems scary!!
i've been wantitng to get those One Direction cartoon phone covers cos they're so damn cute!!!!
tomorrow, everyone's accompanying grandma to the hospital.
she fractured her toes by kicking the bed.. up till now i don't know how she did it. it seems scary!!
Saturday, 10 November 2012
Friday, 9 November 2012
cinema dates :)
hehe. today will be going to ochard cineleisure! catching the movie House at the end of the street :)
FINALLY YAYAAY~ going with Jiawei and Jerome!
FINALLY YAYAAY~ going with Jiawei and Jerome!
Thursday, 8 November 2012
sighh.
it's really tiring. right now i'm stuck with the little monster :(
everyone's out and i'm left with the task of looking after him :(
everyone's out and i'm left with the task of looking after him :(
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
outing :)
soo i had already planned to go out this Saturday! with Jiawei and Jerome ^^
we will be watching House at the end of the street starring my favorite actress, Jennifer Lawrence *.*
next week with Amalia, Berlindia, Faseha, Jiawei and Jerome!
we'll be watching Ah boys to men :)
hahaha. right now i'm having my lunch! grandma cooked my favorite dish :')
we will be watching House at the end of the street starring my favorite actress, Jennifer Lawrence *.*
next week with Amalia, Berlindia, Faseha, Jiawei and Jerome!
we'll be watching Ah boys to men :)
hahaha. right now i'm having my lunch! grandma cooked my favorite dish :')
beau-tiful morning~
today's a very nice morning, so warm and full of sunshine hahaha.
just woke up :)
just woke up :)
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
movies season~
there are so many movies i want to watch!
but i already planned which i want to watch first! :P
1) House at the end of the street. (my Jennifer Lawrence!! *.*)
2) Ah boys to men!
3) Pitch Perfect (i love singing also!)
4) Apartment 143 (horror!)
5) Skyfall!
haha still remember like 2 weeks ago all of the movies were all either NC16, M18 or boring :(
i must watch all these!!
but i already planned which i want to watch first! :P
1) House at the end of the street. (my Jennifer Lawrence!! *.*)
2) Ah boys to men!
3) Pitch Perfect (i love singing also!)
4) Apartment 143 (horror!)
5) Skyfall!
haha still remember like 2 weeks ago all of the movies were all either NC16, M18 or boring :(
i must watch all these!!
changed my blogskin~
hehe i've changed my blogskin! i hope it's nicer because i think it is but you might not think so :P
today went to meet Minghao outside the library to collect my homework :)
but that doesn't mean i'll do :B no la i will!
then i dragged him into the library where i went on to borrow books! i initially chose a lot of books and poor Minghao has to carry it all :(
haha but then i put some back! then we were sitting at the chairs reading the horoscope book when Amalia appeared! haha :)
before that she actually texted me, and here's how our convo went:
Amalia: eh want meet?? we finishing class soon :)
me: i'm with Minghao at library!
Amalia: what you doing with Minghao?!
(at this point i was feeling rather cheeky so i replied her this!)
me: stuffs ;)
Amalia: -.-'
haha then we met up and had our lunch at KFC~
i ended up borrowing only 3 books! 1 of them is actually somesort of a horoscope book! :)
then at KFC Yucheng texted Minghao asking him to say hi to me lol.
so funny!
after we went to watsons and i was smelling the roll on perfume that Jiawei and me bought, then Amalia actually stuck the perfume bottle up my nose! like literally up my nose ==
now i still smell of a little cherries T.T
that's not the worst thing. the worst thing is i hate cherries!! they stink and now i'm actually stuck with smelling it most probably the whole damn day! thanks Amalia -.-
haha alright, shall end this post already, will most likely post again later ;)
see you, xx
today went to meet Minghao outside the library to collect my homework :)
but that doesn't mean i'll do :B no la i will!
then i dragged him into the library where i went on to borrow books! i initially chose a lot of books and poor Minghao has to carry it all :(
haha but then i put some back! then we were sitting at the chairs reading the horoscope book when Amalia appeared! haha :)
before that she actually texted me, and here's how our convo went:
Amalia: eh want meet?? we finishing class soon :)
me: i'm with Minghao at library!
Amalia: what you doing with Minghao?!
(at this point i was feeling rather cheeky so i replied her this!)
me: stuffs ;)
Amalia: -.-'
haha then we met up and had our lunch at KFC~
i ended up borrowing only 3 books! 1 of them is actually somesort of a horoscope book! :)
then at KFC Yucheng texted Minghao asking him to say hi to me lol.
so funny!
after we went to watsons and i was smelling the roll on perfume that Jiawei and me bought, then Amalia actually stuck the perfume bottle up my nose! like literally up my nose ==
now i still smell of a little cherries T.T
that's not the worst thing. the worst thing is i hate cherries!! they stink and now i'm actually stuck with smelling it most probably the whole damn day! thanks Amalia -.-
haha alright, shall end this post already, will most likely post again later ;)
see you, xx
waiting..
i miss those late night calls that we always used to have. we could literally just talk about anything on the phone for hours.
i'm still waiting for your call..
i'm still waiting for your call..
Monday, 5 November 2012
enough.
you didn't even tell me anything. tell me. what did i lie to you about? as far as i know i didn't lie to you. tell me. you don't tell me how i know? you know something? i really hate fighting with you.
i feel so unwanted and hated by you. you would always care if it's hurtful to you but what about me? did you even think before how i would feel if you just ignored me? do you?
i'm really tired of trying and trying and trying. i'll be honest with you. i always have patience with you. i don't know why. i'm only human and i too have my breaking point.
i'm so damn tired of everything. i'm so tired of my life. i'm so tired of screwing up every single thing.
i feel like i don't mean anything to you at times.
i'm a real big mess. i can't seem to do anything right and i don't know why. at times i really wish to be another person because now every person i see has a smile on their face. i want to be free of my problems. i hate to feel so useless and stupid.
i feel so unwanted and hated by you. you would always care if it's hurtful to you but what about me? did you even think before how i would feel if you just ignored me? do you?
i'm really tired of trying and trying and trying. i'll be honest with you. i always have patience with you. i don't know why. i'm only human and i too have my breaking point.
i'm so damn tired of everything. i'm so tired of my life. i'm so tired of screwing up every single thing.
i feel like i don't mean anything to you at times.
my favorite actress..
so as i was browsing the movie trailers on youtube, i saw this movie called..
HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET.
initially i didn't think much of it, and as i love horror/thriller movies, i watched the trailer and found out that Jennifer Lawrence, my favorite actress was the main character in the show! i was so damn excited for the show and i was also very happy that Jennifer Lawrence was in it!! *FANGIRLING*
looks familiar? yes you got it right if you guessed that she's from The Hunger Games!
she plays Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games! the next sequel to the Hunger Games is Catching Fire, which will debut on, 22 September 2013~
#IloveJenniferLawrence #IloveJenniferLawrence #IloveJenniferLawrence
remember to catch HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET!
HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET.
initially i didn't think much of it, and as i love horror/thriller movies, i watched the trailer and found out that Jennifer Lawrence, my favorite actress was the main character in the show! i was so damn excited for the show and i was also very happy that Jennifer Lawrence was in it!! *FANGIRLING*
she plays Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games! the next sequel to the Hunger Games is Catching Fire, which will debut on, 22 September 2013~
#IloveJenniferLawrence #IloveJenniferLawrence #IloveJenniferLawrence
remember to catch HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET!
last day of school~
yes so today's the last day of school but i didn't go for it.
cos i didn't feel like it, yikes :s
i'm already in my holiday mood y'know~ :)
cos i didn't feel like it, yikes :s
i'm already in my holiday mood y'know~ :)
Sunday, 4 November 2012
guys as best friends.
everyone is always asking whether guys and girls can be best friends.
my answer was always yes, that is until i fell for my guy best friend. if you're really lucky, he might have fallen for you too, but if you're not then i guess you most probably wouldn't have another guy as your best friend.
those people who thinks that guys can be best friends with girls most likely have never experienced this before.
the reason why i say that girls and boys can't be best friends is because you both will spend a lot of time together. i mean he's your best friend you will definitely spend time with him right?
and what happens when you both spend time together? you will get to understand him more.
when you get understand him more, you yourself trust him more, telling hims stuffs that you won't even tell your best friend sometimes.
you trust him more, you get attached.
then you start to like him.
that was kinda what happened to me. but the thing was i am lucky because he likes me too.
but that still hasn't changed my mindset on guys as best friends.
my answer was always yes, that is until i fell for my guy best friend. if you're really lucky, he might have fallen for you too, but if you're not then i guess you most probably wouldn't have another guy as your best friend.
those people who thinks that guys can be best friends with girls most likely have never experienced this before.
the reason why i say that girls and boys can't be best friends is because you both will spend a lot of time together. i mean he's your best friend you will definitely spend time with him right?
and what happens when you both spend time together? you will get to understand him more.
when you get understand him more, you yourself trust him more, telling hims stuffs that you won't even tell your best friend sometimes.
you trust him more, you get attached.
then you start to like him.
that was kinda what happened to me. but the thing was i am lucky because he likes me too.
but that still hasn't changed my mindset on guys as best friends.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FASEHA!
today is one of my best friend's birthday, Faseha!
Faseha,
i hope you're feeling better over everything! :) today is your birthday, so forget about everything that's made you upset ^^
i'm really sorry i wasn't able to go for your birthday lunch but we'll go eat tomorrow alright? with Berlindia and Amalia!
i also want to thank you for always being there for me, always advising me on what i should do when i'm feeling lost. you're one of the few people whom i can actually tell anything! you're a really good friend :)
if there's anything that's bothering you, feel free to just call me or text me alright! ^^
i love you very very much and i don't want to see you upset! it's really depressing to see you upset :(
once again happy birthday Faseha! :)
see you maybe later, xx
Faseha,
i hope you're feeling better over everything! :) today is your birthday, so forget about everything that's made you upset ^^
i'm really sorry i wasn't able to go for your birthday lunch but we'll go eat tomorrow alright? with Berlindia and Amalia!
i also want to thank you for always being there for me, always advising me on what i should do when i'm feeling lost. you're one of the few people whom i can actually tell anything! you're a really good friend :)
if there's anything that's bothering you, feel free to just call me or text me alright! ^^
i love you very very much and i don't want to see you upset! it's really depressing to see you upset :(
once again happy birthday Faseha! :)
see you maybe later, xx
study buddy anyone?
i don't really feel good. been vomiting since yesterday, but felt better today. stomach hurts too :(
don't really think i'll be going school tomorrow.
but i most definitely will on Tuesday as it's the last day!
time really flies so damn fast. looking back, i actually regretted not spending enough time on my studies this year. therefore during this holidays, i sure well make good use of my time on studies!
i most likely start with math, my weakest and yes, the most things to catch up on.
everytime i hear the word math, my brain just shuts off. yeah it isn't really a favourite subject for me.
math, poa, chinese, chemistry, physics, art.
yes i'm focusing on all these~
you might ask why art is one of them. art is important okay! i'm not that good at drawing so i'll be needing art tuition lols T.T
so study buddy anyone?
see you tomorrow, xx
don't really think i'll be going school tomorrow.
but i most definitely will on Tuesday as it's the last day!
time really flies so damn fast. looking back, i actually regretted not spending enough time on my studies this year. therefore during this holidays, i sure well make good use of my time on studies!
i most likely start with math, my weakest and yes, the most things to catch up on.
everytime i hear the word math, my brain just shuts off. yeah it isn't really a favourite subject for me.
math, poa, chinese, chemistry, physics, art.
yes i'm focusing on all these~
you might ask why art is one of them. art is important okay! i'm not that good at drawing so i'll be needing art tuition lols T.T
so study buddy anyone?
see you tomorrow, xx
Saturday, 3 November 2012
jealousy.
i'm just going to get straight to the point.
i'm that type of person who's easily jealous. i am paranoid, i am selfish and yes i am jealous.
please don't make me jealous. i don't know what i will do if i ever reach my breaking point.
just send me over the edge and yes, be prepared to deal with a fucking psycho.
trust me, you wouldn't want that to happen.
i'm that type of person who's easily jealous. i am paranoid, i am selfish and yes i am jealous.
please don't make me jealous. i don't know what i will do if i ever reach my breaking point.
just send me over the edge and yes, be prepared to deal with a fucking psycho.
trust me, you wouldn't want that to happen.
Thursday, 1 November 2012
:(
why is everyone so sad today..
i also sad leh. oh i just remebered i have beancurd yay shall go eat it later :D
so today basketball with Amalia, Berlindia, Jerome, Rich and Samuel @ sunset way!
so fun but it was so damn difficult to snatch the ball from Rich :(
even Berlindia, Jerome, Samuel and me ganged up and tried to kick, push, pull the ball and even jumping on Rich but it doesn't work -.-'
lol but overall had a super fun day :)
today Mr Tan didn't come for art ahhahaha YESSSS
tomorrow i intend to go only for art lesson, then skip english and poa!
should i?
i also sad leh. oh i just remebered i have beancurd yay shall go eat it later :D
so today basketball with Amalia, Berlindia, Jerome, Rich and Samuel @ sunset way!
so fun but it was so damn difficult to snatch the ball from Rich :(
even Berlindia, Jerome, Samuel and me ganged up and tried to kick, push, pull the ball and even jumping on Rich but it doesn't work -.-'
lol but overall had a super fun day :)
today Mr Tan didn't come for art ahhahaha YESSSS
tomorrow i intend to go only for art lesson, then skip english and poa!
should i?
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