how is it that you're able to make me feel so low?
why do you always want to fight?
at times i want to hurt you as much as how you did to me, but i know there would be nothing to gain

why love when love is full of doubt
in spite of all i know that i want to live
but why do i feel i have nothing left to give.

what do you call it when all you feel is pain?
when your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
when you're tired of playing this game?
when you know your life is meaningless and you're the only one to blame?

what do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
when you smile and laugh but you know its all a show?
when you feel like you've hit your all time low?
when nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?

what do you call it when you feel so alone?
when your in your house but it don't feel like home?
when you look back in your life and every choice you made now seems wrong?

nothing can ever break me like you do now. is it even possible for me to feel broken over and over again?
all i ask for is just something simple and sweet. is it so much to ask for?

what do i do what do i do
i feel so terrible honestly
you know what? im sorry alright
im tired i dont feel well but it doesnt matter
all it matters to you is fucking you isnt it
im so sorry for doing every thing
so sorry for coming into your life and ruining it
im so fucking sorry for my existence
im so sorry for fucking up everything for you
you happy now? what else do you want from me

am i a emotional bin for you? am i there for you to vent your emotional insecurities? am i there for you to vent your anger on?
why are you doing this to me? why?
i've been through so much
is the pain that i went through not enough for you?
do you have to emotionally torture me this way?
you say you don't want to do this either but do you know that now only you can stop this from happening?
you control this do you know?
why are you not doing anything?
i am running out of energy for this
please help me over here

i actually don't know what im going to do
no matter how many times i tell you that i wasn't lying, you still wouldn't believe
well for starters, if i was lying to you would i have shown up with her by my side? i wouldn't hide that right?
i really don't know what to do anymore
im even more lost than i was
im not blaming you or anything but its like you're emotionally attacking me you know?
you're throwing your emotional securities but i don't know what to do
i've changed from last year. im more patient now but i don't know when my patience will run out
i know im strong, but i won't be able to stand it if you leave me honestly
what do i do now?

it's been long since i actually updated my blog
been busy nowadays studying
 even though o's are like, 6 months away, i cannot afford to actually wasted time playing
i wasted too much time already!
so im back to school and i've managed to make it to sec 5
it's a good thing as my dad wanted me to go to sec 5
so anyway our last camp is up soon and its going to be next thurs to saturday
we have like an interview and all these and yesterday Amalia, Faseha and me went to orchard to shop for our stuffs!
it was really fun even tho i dread going for the camp but since its our last year then lets make the best out of it