sooo :( T^T

hi all!
i'm really super duper sorry for not updating or posting :(
i was working and had honestly, i swear, no time at all :(
i was working almost every day, only sundays off and yesterday was my last day! :)
buuuuutt, as a result of working, i did not do much homework :(
sooo i'm starting now and hopefully i will have enough time to finish *cross fingers*
sighh crucial year ahead, seriously need to work hard..
thats all for now :)
thanks for sticking with me too ;)
xx

past mistakes.

everytime i reflect on a certain thing i did days, months and even years ago, i always think about how i hurt you.
that was no doubt, the worst i'd ever done this whole year. i couldn't believe i actually was that dumb to let you go. but i had to choose right?
if not there would be no end.
there are times i really regretted badly what i done to you. i think about it all the time.
if i had a choice, i definitely wouldn't hurt you at all. what i did was really horrible.
i think about it all the time.
if i can ever rewind my life knowing the mistakes that i once made, i would not do it again.

sigh i really don't have much appetite nowadays, i just had organic soya for the whole of today.
what's wrong with me?
sometimes eat so much sometimes never even eat. :/
so anyway last night i spent like 1 hr+ updating my library on Wattpad.
i deleted every single story in my library and then went in search of other stories.
my favourite sections is always thw Watty Awards and romance. hmmm.
i guess i like my stories to have a happy ending ^^
so i was reading this story, i forgot the title but it's about a girl called Amelia, she has to live with her father, cruel stepmother and stepsister and her brother, Hayden, whom she loves dearly.
Amelia goes into a new school where she meets her soulmate, a teacher called Nathaniel.
But what she doesn't know is that he's a vampire. And both of her new friends are also vampires, and related to Nathaniel.
This story shows how Amelia escaped her abusive family, found her soulmate and how she deals with the supernatural. It's a really awesome story, it's under romance :)
sooo i've been reading since 1+ up till now and i'm only at chapter 19. :/
This story has 40+ chapters! guess i'll be staying up all night just to finish this book but i have work tomorrow :x
so i'll try to finish this like soon hehe :)
updates later and tomorrow? i'll try.
xx

jealousy kills, now you know

i really hope that you won't be so jealous. i told you that i won't leave you for another guy. i told you that before many many times. a little jealousy here and there is fine but sometimes it gets out of control. and when it gets out of control, it will end up like last night. which i do not want a repeat of.
i know that you're scared of me leaving you, but i assure you, that will not happen. trust me.
when i was jealous of them i didn't blow up did i. to tell you the truth i still am. i'm still afraid of you going over to her because i know she's better than me in every possible way.

BERLINDIA.
why you all so sad :( haven't you heard the song?! this the season to be happy la la la la la la la la la~
did you sing that aloud? i hope you did :) anyway, if there's anything, anything at all that you want to get off your chest, you know i'll be here. you do know that don't you! well if you don't, now you do! i hate seeing my best friends upset. no, i do not ask out of curiousity.
i want you to tell me what happened, because if you say it aloud, you'll feel better. And by saying aloud, i mean telling people. You don't have to keep things to yourself, Berlindia. You know that people care about you. Like Faseha, Amalia, me. People that care don't want to see you upset.
Do you want to hear a joke? :) What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-stigator XD hahahaha! okay lame. But anyway i do hope that at least made you smile? So let's get back to this serious post! >< i'm so serious! Fine.
I do kind of know this is about that guy right? From your tweets, blog posts and texts, he got back with his ex? Dumb. But anyway, don't be upset. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe he just wasn't good enough for you that's why. God thought that he was good for you, but then he actually wasn't, so He sent him back to his evil ex! And you, will wait for the nice guy that comes along :) maybe your B2st!
Everything in our life is predestined, so whatever happened, happened. You'll just have to let it go. If he really did like you, he wouldn't let go that easily my dear. But now you finally see his true colors, and he actually helped you to find out what you don't want in a guy in the future. Right? So don't be so upset :) You're a wonderful girl, and you'll find the right person who will see it. Don't do anything stupid okay!! Anything just text me :) or call me hehehehe :B i'll disturb you :) okay la, shall end this post here, and see you tomorow dear! :)

JIAWEI.
my dear girl! i'm not really sure where to start but i guess i'll start from your blog! today, i went to your blog (don't say i'm a stalker) and read your post on the sibling love thing. i just want you to know that your parents do love you. they do. i guess they are not the type to show love. or maybe they don't know how to show it to you. your sister may be better than you academically but you know yourself that you've tried your best for EOY. i do know that you've tried your best because we studied together!
i may not know how it feels like to be compared to your sibling but i do know that it's awful. But comparing and being compared is part of human nature. it's just like KFC and Mac's harsh brown! which do you prefer? You'll pick Mac! Right? You can't blame your parents for that my dear. Your parents love you, they really do. Trust me.
You're not a girl who wastes her money buying unnecessary stuffs. To me, you're a really caring, nice, sweet, funny girl. Life is precious, don't waste it okay!
Promise me you won't do anything stupid! Every minute you spent contemplating your existence is every minute wasted to make yourself happy. You'll always have me here alright :) anything you can just call me :) to talk to me or just feel like calling me also can :) you're not alone my dear girl. i'll always, always be here for you just like you did for me.
and anyway, i've gotten you your birthday present! :B hehehe happy or not?! haha find one day we go out together alright! :) i only need to work on 11, 12, 17 and 18 December :) then i'm free~ you this little pig!! i text you no reply, bet you still sleeping right :( wake up la! :)
and remember, i love you and when you find yourself lonely, just call me up :) i will pick it up! unless i'm sleeping :x but yeah :) see you soon babe! ;) <3
``

if you trust me then why did you insist i was lying when my phone was switched off during that 40 times

accident.

imagine a stranger driving, in a car with 3 other passengers, talking and laughing. They were getting ready to have a fun day out. They hadn't seen each other for so long, and they had to catch up on each other's lives. Yes, they all agreed that the cafe up in Bukit Timah road seemed like a good place to hang out while they tell each other their recent embarrasing stories.
As it started to rain steadily, a small abandoned puppy ran across the road for cover. And the normal reaction from most drivers when an animal runs across the roadnwould be to brake. And so he did. The car had just started to move forward when another car behind them rammed into the back of the front car.
The impact had caused a passenger, who wasn't wearing her seatbelt to be flung out through the driver's window.
The two cars stood by the side of the road, wrecked. By then, a crowd was forming.
The passenger who was flung out of the driver's window is still struggling to get air into her lungs. Slowly, a passer-by, then two, then three, went to help. They had called the ambulance and was waiting anxiously for it to arrive. The passenger lay there desperately trying to breathe, while all the passers-by could do was to wish fervently that the ambulance would be quicker.
The passers-by slowly went over to the passenger, and one of them knelt down and held the passenger's hand, easing her to death, because he knows that she will not make it, judging by her injuries. Just as the distance wailing of the ambulance reaches them, the passenger breathes just her last words to the passer-by, just before her life ended. Those words that will continue to follow him for the rest of his life, and have enough power to question everything he does.
``
i finally got the idea that life is really short. one moment you could be so excited over something, and the next, you're saying your last words. people often say that life is short, you should live yours to the fullest, but how do you do so? you know that you're gonna die some day, but you don't know whether when you're really going to truly die. and how will it happen. that thought scares me.
the thought that i will never be able to see my loved ones again, the thought that i will never see my dearest friends again, the thought that i will never see you again scares me.
then i begin to wonder.
what will happen to those around me when i'm dead? will their lives go on as usual? will they mourn for me?
then i start thinkinhg that what if they didn't care about me? will they be happy that i'm gone?
anyway, what i'm trying to say is, cherish your life. every moment you spend contemplating your existence, is every moment you could've done to make yourself happy.
i've learned that from experience, and from what i've seen today.
this story that i typed at the top is partially true. minus the going out with friends part.
all i saw at the accident scene was just the police tent thing that covered the body. and police officers.
that is all. it was at Bukit Timah.