why are my gastrics getting worse? :(

pls don give me any more headaches!

its hurting again :(

k, may i know why the fuck are you ignoring me?
its kinda getting on my nerves you know.
i have a limit to my patience. i wont let you get away for treating me like a piece of shit.

<3

hehe!

today was walk-a-jog.
met up with Fiona and Jadie at mrt station :) then went to chinese garden teehee. :>
we had this stupid run but Fiona Jadie Priscilla Ruimin and i walked thru the whole way :) muahah.
sweat like mad.
aft that went back, went old mac with Amalia and Fiona, we bought the headphones plugs and earpiece :) Fiona and me got the same earpieces cos we both liked it :p the plugs we each bought 2, she got 1 white ribbon and beaded ribbon. i got a pink ribbon and a cherry! we decided to swap the 2 ribbons everyday cos its just so damn cute. so for now im holding on to the white one :)
aft that met up with Lester, Haowei, Jonathan, Trevor! so fun! then we went to the swings! Jonathan FINALLY piggyback me properly. Amalia too :) hehehe :B
aft that went back bout 5.

i miss my happy self. those times when i didnt really give a shit.

where people's opinions about me were kept to themselves and didnt get to me.

when i always would laugh for no reason at all.

i just want to be happy again.

:o

today i left my art stuffs in the hip room :( damn. if anyone ever touches it they are so going down!
hais. today at bus interchange! but there was some breakdown or whatever, then the busses wait for 1hr+ then come -.- tsktsk. Jon and Trevor were there and i chatted with them. LOL he was actually upset that i was talking to Zong Xian :o teehee. i like to talk cannot meh!?
then in the bus when i going reach my stop, there was a group of guys and a girl boarded the bus. the guys kept turning around and staring at me -.- they were actually smiling at me! i didnt know what to do so i just looked outta the window. when i alight the bus the guys said bye and the girl kept glaring at me :o walao.

she comes off as strong, but people doesnt know she falls asleep crying. she acts like nothing's wrong, but she's really just lying.

just because a person smiles all the time, doesnt mean that their life is perfect.

im done texting you first, im done waiting for you to call me, im done waiting for you just to talk to me.
but what can i do?

people keep telling me to move on, saying it sounds easy, but do you know how hard is it for me to do so?
even the slightest mention of your name can upset me. i don know why..

the more i try not to care the more i care

the more i say im fine

the more i just pretend.

i find it so much easier to fake a smile than to burden everyone with my problem.

i dont know how depression took over me

what goes on behind closed doors.
i feel like im unwanted. i feel so lonely. i feel so sad all the time. i bottle up my feelings.
every single night i cry myself to sleep. and the next morning i'll pretend and pretend. all the way till at night where i lock myself in the room. its a cycle.

but i hold on, stay strong, wonder if we still belong.
will we ever have a happy ending or will we always be pretending.
i just realised im a substitute. what could hurt more?
you change girls like your changing your clothes. dirty alr throw one side. not happy with it throw one side
then when you good mood just anyhow pick one girl tell her you like her and stuff then afterward say just joking? what the fuck you want? make your bloody mind up can?

omy

arghh gastrics
will keep this short and simple then go eat
today Faseha and i went up and chatted with some sec 5 guy :o we siao liao
then otw out of sch bumbed into jon and crew

im all alone and i need you now. sometimes i wonder how you cant see someone's pain behind their act of being happy. oh well. your just that insensitive toward females. i guess your inhuman. im sick of pretending to be happy when i really am not. im so tired. i dont want to pretend anymore. i dont.

i miss you. do you? no.
last time you used to text me with smileys and heart shapes. what happened to them now? poofed. gone.
bet your texting your latest crush with smileys and heart shapes. how i wished it was me.
now you just replied me with simple words like 'yala' or 'k'.
i probably should just forget everything.
im sorry i mistook every tiny little thing you did for me. like how you would call me up no matter how tired you were. even when you got scolding. and how all those little things that you did for me. guess it was part of the chase huh? when you got bored of me you just threw me aside like i was a rag doll eh?

pathetic.

lost my wallet today. had $50+ sia walao. plus all the handwritten cards from my girlfriends :(
hais. luckily Natasha was with me or else i think i'll go crazy!

i love you.

i love you.

!

i wish i could a bottle of wish dust, so that you could be mine forever and always, not just acting.

why does all the bad stuff happen to me?

didnt post in here for awhile :/
was quite busy cos was packing up for my camp. hai. camp was 22nd March-24march. 3 days 2 nights.
very fun (y) the stars at night are so gorgeous! i now am quite tanned :) okay la, beginning to like my tan :)  hehehe. the first day we went trekking in the mountains! we climbed so long then they tell us we only climb half a mountain -.- wtf. i tripped a few times and slide down-.- luckily Sarah and Natasha caught me :) cheh. then aft that we had a 1-2 hr journey to the organic rice farm, located in Kahang! we pitched our tents, gathered for briefing then had dinner~ aft that we had night walk too! but there will be teachers around and they were like scare you abit. then supper. then bath. then hung out with Jonathan Chiew and Jiawei and Jermaine. hais. then aft that second day we had water activities! first activity was building a raft. my group was Jermaine, Sophia, Amalia, Crystal, Lester and Haowei. when we built finish, Sophia, Crystal, Haowei and Lester went to tried it in the water. it sunk -.- pathetic or pathetic?
second activity was the paddy field. we had to go into the mud and go plant weeds. then went to another one patch of huge mud go pull weeds. YUCKS. got stuck couple of times but Yucheng helped me. THANKS! :)
third activity was water obstacle, after lunch! so fun :)
fourth was water rafting! at the end Jadie, Jermaine, Fedora and me jumped in! :)
then we dinner then campfire :)
next day we had interclass captains ball! yay:) ended up 3C1 won -.- actually 3B2 came in second. lost my voice cheering.
now's the worst part.
the moment i stepped into the car, my dad told me my granduncle passed away.
the next day you separated with me.
what more could be worse?
i fell for someone who would never ever like me.

hai.

now's 2.59 pm.
rotting at home -.- but just too lazy to get my ass up and go down -.- sighs. anyw can't go into the room where i keep my clothes. the baby's sleeping there. if i go in there the stinkbomb's sure to wake up and all hell will be loose. LOL jk.
hahaha. where the hell is the nail clipper? cant find it anywhere :/
anyw here's a pic :)

follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

don't make wrong decisions.

:/

i like the balloons *.*

4th day of March hols. now sipping vanilla tea.
im so bored.
ytd outside gong cha got this srsly cute angmoh guy! he smiled at me and i thought i was gonna faint LOL jk :) but srsly he's so damn cute! *.*
anyw ytd, in the evening, went jogging with godmum. we covered 2.1km (y)
i only stopped 2 times! :) hehehehe guess will be jogging more often in preparation for 2.4!
so tired :( slept at 1+ then woke up at 5+ thanks to baby cousin crycrycry. :(
aft that fell asleep then 9+ he wake me up again!! -.- grrrr.
why! must! holidays! pass! so! fast!

heh :>

today's the 3rd day of March hols! ain't doing much at home though. :/
mum wouldn't let me go out just to study then watch a movie.
my typing speed in the morning is really slow -.-
anyw ytd got caught in the rain and yes i woke up with a flu.
ytd Brendon played soccer and basketball with Jonathan, Jeremy and Trevor.
then at the end Jonathan ran over to me with the umbrella, and Brendon was left behind in the rain LOL
in the end i still got wet so the umbrella didn't really make a difference. -.-
anyw had much fun! :)

am i the only one?

am i the only one who's got nothing to do so i keep on updating blog? hmmm :/

i love the colors in this pretty pic!

pffsh

today's second day of holidays and im starting to feel kinda bored :/
last night 11+ talk till 12+ with Jonathan Chiew. he laugh damn funny AHAHAH.
i didnt know he had 3 sisters :x envy him! i want a elder sister or younger sister also no have :(

i love all colors~ <3

:p

went down to West Coast Plaza, bought 2 pens. aft that went to 603. turns out Jonathan Chiew and his friend is there playing basketball. sat there for awhile and watched them play. aft that i went home :)
yep he saw me definitely.

CAN SRSLY DIE FROM THE NOISE AT HOME.

why?

1) my grandma blamed me for waking the baby up -.-

2) then now she's scolding me AGAIN, cos now he's crying non-stop.

3) those two i swear, are the most sometimes annoying  people in my whole life.

hehe :)

shall spent most of today getting lost in my book! :)
The lucky one by Nicholas Sparks. great book!

back to me~

though im still being tied down by you and my heart feels kinda heavy, writing it all out here on this blog has really been a great relief. its like the weight of my problems are like becoming lighter and lighter :)
a month has passed, and im really glad. cos February just isnt the month for me. i've had alot of problems.  my great grandma, then indirect tweets, then quarreling etc. i feel so drained and tired! hopefully the rest of the year will be okay for me :) *crosses fingers*

FINALLY!

FINALLY! its the first day of the March holidays! yay :)

k even though its kinda boring to stay home, but at least i get to wake up late :B

hehehehe. theres not much homework either.

all i can remember is that i have chinese homework but i left it in sch :/ damn.

might be going out on wednesday as i mentioned, but dont feel like going out with him alone. :/

sorry, if you read that but can we probably ask others too? please? :]

hehehe, will definitely update blog everyday this week, hopefully :)

heyy

your heart is free, so do what you want, have the courage to follow it :)

how long is it going to take for you to see she's no me?

bahahahaha :) k im srsly going crazy. nvm.
i deserve more. im gonna go along with the plan i made~

:)

last night Faseha introduced this song to me : Everytime you lie by Demi Lovato. crap, now im addicted to this song :x
very nice go listen! :)

silence, a girl's loudest cry.

the so many times i kept quiet when i see you both together.

someone told me that you both look more like a couple.

how do i mend a broken heart? my entire world has fallen apart.
how do i find hope in a brand new day? when the one i love has gone away.
srsly love this picture:) and the quote!
anyw today went to vivo, watched John Carter with daddy. awesome show. but abit violent :x
then this bastard behind keep kicking my chair. you know why? cos his damn legs are on my chair -.-
then keep talking somemore. asshole.
next week might be going out watch shows with jonathan chiew.
bahahaha see whether mummy lets :)

JOSEPH KONY.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
this heartless asshole kidnapped over 30,000 children since 2003 till now, he's still living and are still kidnapping more. those young boys that he captured are trained from young to kill their families. and all the girls were forced to become sex slaves.
many people still dont know about him, and the video on top is to raise awareness, and to help catch Joseph Kony THIS YEAR.
please do help to spread the word.

i love the sweet sound of your voice.

im sorry.

                    im sorry.
sometimes, i get jealous knowing that someone else could make you happier than i could.
i guess its just my insecurities acting up.
because i know im not the prettiest, smartest, cutest, or most fun and exciting person.
but i do know that no matter how long and hard you look,
you'll never find somebody that loves you like i do.

if you asked how many times you crossed my mind,

i would say once.

because you never really left.

you said you would love me forever, who knew forever ended today?

memories.

when i woke up today, the first thing on my mind was you.  not you only though. i dreamed of you with her, happily together while i was watching you both. both of you didnt seem to notice me. but still, it's only a dream.
i guess its time to let go. now i finally understand what this quote means, 'when a person has gone, its always never the same one that returns.'
something like that. yeah.

CONFUSED!

im so confused and lost right now. i talked to Faseha earlier, and she voiced her opinions. i think that what she said was true. i deserve much more. i've waited for this long, and you still dont know what i need. what i needed was just your time, care and you yourself. but instead you went with your "sis".
Faseha gave me 2 options.
1) talk to you f2f.
2) find the strength in me to walk away.
i thought about it, and i chose 2. i hatched a plan and that will be the plan that will help break us two apart. why? because i know i wont have that strength in me to walk away as simple as you did.
i hope one day you look back and you regret why you didnt treat me any better and regretted your choice.

weather so nice :)

wow the weathers so nice today. srsly feel like sleeping. but i don want to. im still waiting for you to text me. the last time you texted me was ytd morning 11.07am.
i feel like a fool waiting for you, though i know you would never give a damn bout me.
you don even bother talking to me. guess Faseha's right, its time to walk away. but i just cant bear it.

not everyone you love is gonna love you back, i guess thats why its most important to love yourself more than anything.

gotta be strong. but its so difficult to do so when your lost and helpless

when you meet someone special, you will know. your heart will beat faster and you'll smile for no reason :)

i wish nothing but the best for you two.

i want to be happy again. if he can, so can i.

..

sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

-.-

don come back to me when you find that she isnt the best one for you.

-.-

just answer your qns also call talk back. YOU GOOD. (y)

:)

hehehe just by seeing your text i managed to smile:) hope this continues!

did you forget?

did you forget that i was even alive?
did you forget everything we ever had?
did you regret ever standing by my side?
did you forget what we're feeling inside?
now im left to forget about us.
so now i guess this is where we have to stand, did you ever regret holding my hand?
i wont forget about us.
now at last, all the pictures have been burnt and the past is just a lesson i've learned i wont forget.
i wont forget.
Demi Lovato, Dont Forget.

bastard.

noisy old bastard at home. just shut the fuck up dont ever talk to me la k?
this afternoon sent Amalia back to sch and then bumped into Mr Tan. he thought Jerome was my bf -.-
srsly. k. we had to throw some of the things on the table that some assholes left behind. -.- hai. otw to classroom bumped into Jonathan Chiew, Jadey, Chermaine they all. went back to class with Amalia and found yucheng there. aft like few minutes Jonathan and ppl came up O.O
Jonathan helped me clean the cupboard, and he keep teasing me. so i pretended to be rly angry. LOL. he stupidly thought i was rly angry! he spent like 30 mins chasing me telling me sorry. then aft that went clementi mall walkwalk. went look for Jadey and ppl, they were at foodfare eating. aft that met Jon at interchange. he keep texting me ask me faster. otw to inter saw Nicholas and Bernice. see alr then i faster turn back. aft that met Berlindia and Faseha. Berl asked if Jonathan was my bf -.- AGAIN. just cos he sent me home. haiyoyo. then he send me home again. didnt know if Nicholas saw but i jolly well hope he did. BASTARD. _l_
aft this tuition @ 7.30

in another life.

in another life, i would have let you go earlier. that way i wont have to go thru so much pain you caused me.
in another life, i would give up. becos you isolated me from my friends, then you left me alone. and now i have no one to turn to. they wouldn't understand my pain.
in another life, i would remain friends with you.
in another life, we would stay as father-daughter or friends, so i probably wont have to suffer that much.
in another life, i will still love you.

this morning caught 282. BUT, i saw you there. at first i didnt know, until that auntie got up to go down the bus then i realized it was you. aft that we got off the bus and you walked your own way while i walked my own. i was half hoping that you would see that and run after me but nope you didnt. and the worse thing was i saw you with her.

:l

someone make me smile ? :l

FASEHA!!

ello Faseha. i went to your blog and saw what you posted. dont worry:) im okay! :) i know you would do whatever it takes just to see me smile, i know :) i feel so bad when i didnt let you speak earlier about *ahem*. he did talked to me ytd. but aft that he stopped. i dont know why i really dont know. its like on and off. but its okay, i can wait:) thanks anyw, i love you <3
ANDAND my dear girls, Berlindia, Jw, and Sherlyn, Jonathan Chiew is only my brother! I SWEAR!

same old tired lonely placee.

forcing laughter and faking smiles.

sooooo

so i'll watch you live in pictures like i used to watch you sleep, and i feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe, and i'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are. hope its nice who your with..
i hope the sun shines, and its a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wished you had stayed, you know i never planned on you changing your mind.






some of the lyrics from Taylor Swift's song, Last kiss.

i dont know how to be smt you miss..

this morning you texted and whatsapped me. i thought you wouldn't talk to me. a friend told me that he felt that you and her were more than just friends or brothers and sisters. he told me that you werent worth it, to just be friends with you instead. But somehow you this morning suddenly texted me. i was SOOO SHOCKED! :O the minute I saw your text it cheered me up though i was trying real hard to calm myself inside.
anyway, todays my dad's bday! yay:) mum cooked curry chicken and so many others! she seldoms cook but still, her effort paid off bcos her curry chicken is really nice! surprisingly though :x teehee.
alright off to study! seeya tmr :)

:(

in school spending time with friends really helped me. but just when i see you or bumped into you, i treated like you were invisible. it hurts doing so, but at least i managed to convince myself into believing that we were never meant to be. but it can never heal the damage you inflicted to my heart. the nonchalent look on your face, it was as if you didnt know i exist. i hide the pain with a bright smile and laughter though, and i was able to block you out for awhile.
when you tweeted that tweet did you ever think of my feelings? how much it would hurt me? if you dont like me anymore, just tell me. pls don lead me on.

do you rmb we were sitting there by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time - Taylor Swift, Mine.

wondering why we bothered with love if it never lasts.

why do we do that? why do i do that? what am i doing?

fun art lesson today! :) teacher made us sit boy girl rows. then we were supposed to draw each other. my partner was Zijie! i drew him first, and everyone said looked like power rangers LOL
then his turn to draw me. so nice sia. felt abit guilty draw not so nice :/

today went out with Angelica. trained to Boon Lay go Jurong Point, wanted watch movie but in the end went shopping. we each got 3 badges! one said 'evacuate i've farted' LOLS
aft that went to clementi mall and Angelica dragged me into BHG just to see Katy Perry's perfume. $98!! wtffff Angelica wanted to get it. and then went to west coast plaza, wanted to get a shirt but decided not to waste money T.T
hehe fun day!

random pics w my 2 beloved cousins :)

crazy day today. otw home, bumped into Brendon. he found an IPhone 4 and he asked me to go to the police station report it. then aft that when i was bathing halfway the police station called and turns out that the lady wanted to thank me. coincidentally she turned out to be Liran's mum! my classmate mum :OO shocked to the maxx. holy fuckkk.
in the aftnoon, went mac with Amalia and Jerome! bumped into Samson and his friends. he's so fucking tall la can. stand next to him like he giant liddat! SAMSON can see that anot!? LOLS

xoxo, kiana~